Selasa, 23 Agustus 2011

KALI INI HANYA JADI PENDENGAR


Setiap hari sejak tiga bulan yang lalu, langkah kaki gw terasa ringan mau berangkat ke kantor. I’m having happy feet everyday, its a feeling that I’ve lost a couple of years ago. Mimpi buruk itu bermula sejak kedatangan si Nenek Gerondong (jeng..jeng!)

Dia itu ibarat Freddy Krueger, baik dalam alam mimpi maupun alam nyata bisa sama-sama bikin orang mati berdiri. Makanya setelah selama 1.5 tahun gw diteror dengan berbagai mimpi buruk akhirnya gw bisa mengakhiri episode horror itu dengan pindah kerja (syukur Alhamdulillah).

Tapi nggak demikian dengan mbak Minie. Masih inget kan, my assistant in the University of Melancholy? Dia masih terperangkap di situ ibarat burung dalam sangkar emas. Kenapa gw bilang sangkar emas? Karena jujur aja kemasannya sangat indah dan mahal: fancy chocolates, designer’s bag and fine wines. I kinda missed those things hehehe...

Anyway mbak Mini curhat tadi pagi kalau Nenek Gerondong makin menjadi jadi. Beginilah kisahnya:

Dua minggu yang lalu, mbak Mini udah mengajukan THR karyawan karena sesuai peraturan undang-undang kudu dibayarkan 2 minggu sebelum lebaran atau minimal 1 minggu sebelum lebaran.

Kemarin pagi, amplop yg ditunggu tunggu pun datang yaitu kiriman cheques dari head office. Namun betapa terkejutnya mbak Mini *bzzzt!* (bagai disambar gledek), nggak ada satu pun cheque pembayaran THR di dalamnya hanya ada cheque untuk pembayaran ke supplier.

Panik? Ya of course dong cyiiin...bisa didemo sama pak OB dan pak Sopir lah! Mbak Minie pun mencoba menghubungi kantor pusat (Mayday! Mayday!) tapi malah disambut dengan sambaran gledek yang kedua: Olip (asisten Nenek Gerondong) lagi block leave alias cuti seminggu penuh.

Nah lho? Mbak Mini pun berusaha menghubungi Nenek Gerondong yang dengan konsisten menolak mengangkat telpon. Saran gw sih, mungkin sekali sekali mesti dicoba ngirim sinyal lewat mbah dukun Ki Joko Bodo biar berasa dikit tusukan tusukan jarum gaib di kepala Nenek Gerondong. Kali aja jadi bener..heh..heh..heh (tertawa terkekeh)

Entah gimana akhirnya Nenek Gerondong memberikan penjelasan secara tidak jelas bahwa hari ini baru akan ditransfer pembayaran THR nya ke rekening masing-masing. Lega? Eits nanti dulu! Dengan catatan menunggu si Papih bangun bobo’ secara dia lagi berlibur ke Perancis dan hak mutlak untuk melakukan transfer via internet banking ada di tangan Papih (pingsan celentang)***

Jumat, 19 Agustus 2011

Just Another Stupid Story


It seems that the recent update on Nyazarudin’s high profile case will end up anti-climax. I’m sure some of the readers has predicted this will happen but of course not ASAP (As Soon As Possible). Yep..be prepared for a super huge dissapointment.

The Committee of Wizard Corruption Watch (“WCW”) is caught by surprised by Nyazarudin’s sudden change in attitude. He requested to be punished immediately without further investigation. Nyazarudin also pleaded to the committee to protect his wife and children from harm. He has appointed his lawyer, Oswald, shall be their safe-keeper.

“This new development has caught us off guard,” said the Head of Investigator.”This U-turn is a surprised to all of us here. We’re also not sure why.”

Look dude, who are you trying to kid? It’s obvious that Nyazarudin does not trust justice in this country. His life is endangered and so does his family. OR maybe they did the Obliviate spell towards him which makes him “forget”.

Alas, the summary of this whole news are:

1.       We have no choice but to trust the stupid authorities
2.       They have caught a stupid criminal
3.       This is going to be another stupid story

Case closed?***

Senin, 15 Agustus 2011

The Case of The Whistle Blower


Nyazaruddin, the young politician wizard, is still making headlines in the news all over the country. Climbing steadily in the Most Wanted chart, he is now the numero uno of the week. (applause!)

Despite his good looking and calm demeanor, we have yet to discover his darker side of personality. Rumours whirls around the block that he was planning to crushed (literally) Sir Hamsley, one of the Chairman in the Wizard Corruption Watch (“WCW”). The plan was spilled in one of the Ethical Committee of Wizardry (“ECW”) hearings, based on a conversation recorded between Nyazaruddin and his muggle worker, Abe.

“Get someone to beat the hell out of that b*stard Hamsley!” (hissing sound) “Make him feel sorry that he was ever born!”(hissing again) “It will teach him a lesson not to messed up with me.”
“But sir..this is mad” Abe timidly answered
“I’m willing to pay billions of galeon! How mad is that?” Hahaha....(evil laughter)

But of course, this rumour has yet to be confirmed by the Aurors. (So don’t get too excited readers).

Prior to his capture in Colombia, he was in contact with one of the muggle television station using telephonic video. During the connection, he’s threatening everyone in his political party that he will blow-the-whistle as a payback. “I have all the evidence here in this hocrux.”

Hmmm it seems that almost everybody in his party are dirrrtyyy. This makes us wonder if the picture includes their leader, “He-Who-Knows-So-Well”.

And now that Nyazarudin is back in  the country, his only life warranty may only be the hocrux. But where is the hocrux now? Another mystery for the Aurors to dig. Stay tune***

Sabtu, 13 Agustus 2011

NYAZARUDIN in HARRY POTTER 7 3/4

Saturday, 13 August. The Wizard Corruption Watch has successfully returned the lost boy, Nyazarudin, back to Awkwarts. They wanted to ensure his safetiness by chartering a private PortKey (PK 123456). Muggles & wizards are buzzing at the airport waiting for Nyazarudin arrival which is said to be guarded by a couple of Dementors wearing black masks.

"What's going to be Nyazarudin fate?" ask a reporter
"His life is in danger but they are not gonna do it in public" said a spectator
"What will happen do you think?" ask the reporter again
"They would probably sell to us the story that Nyazarudin tried to escape Azkaban and they have no choice but to stop him with the Avadakadavra spell" another said
"Oh dear that's horrible!" exclaimed the reporter. "But wonder where is his wife now? Didn't see her around"
"She maybe wearing the invisible cloak, keeping the last hocrux away from the Ministry of (Unlawful) Magic. The key is in the hocrux unless they can extract Nyazarudin's memory into the pensieve"
"Can't they use a veritaserum?"
"The serum are out of stock a long time ago. Besides it never worked to extract the truth from all previous corruptors!" (shrug)

Up to this minute speculations are still hanging across the country. How will this story end? Stay tune in the next report***